Crying on the Inside, Broke on the Outside

As I sit here cuddled up in my bed on a Sunday afternoon, doing countless hours of reports for work (on my day off), it strikes me.. whats this all even about? I’m 22, working in retail, working to live, living with 3 roommates and having Ginger Ale for breakfast. Is this what being a graduate is like? Why aren’t I following my dreams? Why am I so worried about paying rent? When did staying on top of my bills become more important than what fulfills my heart and soul? I feel like I’m just passing time, waiting for the next step.

Everyone waits for something. Waiting to graduate, waiting to move out, waiting to get married, waiting for the next pay check. Life is literally a waiting game, most people don’t get out of bed in the morning and feel satisfied about their life. They wake up with a to do list, a worry list, a “shit I knew I should have done that yesterday but I was napping list”. But realistically, if your getting out of bed in the morning you’re already winning. The glorified struggle of being a twenty-something is every where these days. Being a hopeless twenty-something is the cool thing to do, and I absolutely fall into the category;

Example of Typical 22 year Old Behaviour When Embarking On A New Day:

Alarm goes off:  F***, NOT THIS AGAIN

-Time to wash my face with the Proactiv I borrow from my roommate, because teenage acne actually just means lifetime acne. I have to borrow the Proactiv because alas, I cannot afford my own

-Whats for breakfast? An egg. Cool. Why don’t I have any food again? Decided sweet outfits were more important than nutrition (again)

-Getting dressed: Why did I pay so much for clothes with holes everywhere? I am literally paying to look homeless, lets think about that. Because fashion. (My parents will never understand)

-Time to leave the house: pocket check looking for my lifelines (AKA phone AKA more important than my mother who birthed me, my keys and my Metropass)

-Transit to work, praying the homeless man eating newspaper across from me doesn’t strike up a conversation

-Go to work: AKA rent payer. Ask any retail worker, food industry worker, paper pusher or grocery store clerk, it is most likely a means to an end.

AFTER WORK: -too broke for post work drinks so this leaves:

-going to dinner and having someone else pay (amen for boyfriends)

-drinking wine in bed with netflix

-drinking wine and reading

-drinking wine and doing laundry

-staying up stupidly late for no reason lurking around the depths of the internet and regretting it the next morning

Enough about the daily thought process of the 22 year old white girl who thinks life is hard. I’ve actually learned somethings over the past 6 months about being young and irresponsible, pretending to be responsible. Life is hard. Life doesn’t go easy on you. Every day is a test. But if you can laugh about it, you can live through it.

-your passion is allowed to take the back burner while your learning to be an adult

-don’t lose sight of your goals

-fall in love (while sober), or don’t date at all, who cares, just don’t Tinder

-don’t waste your time with people who don’t have your best interest in mind

-always laugh at yourself before others

-if you can only afford Kraft Dinner, literally only your parents will judge you

-this will probably be the most pathetic time in your life to please live to the fullest

-say yes to every opportunity that will build your resume

-working 2 or 3 jobs is a good idea for a while..don’t make it your career

-sleep is important but slightly overrated

-if you find a good roommate, stick with them, Kijiji doesn’t always have the best candidates

-I am living proof its possible to live without cable

-share your struggle with your family and friends, they want to laugh at you just as much as you think

This is living.

Club Footed Freak

I’d like to apologize for my unexplained, extended absence from Rapunzel’s Reality. These past few months life has decided to pick up, now this doesn’t mean that embarrassing things don’t happen anymore, its more that I don’t have the time to write about them. But this most recent experience left me no choice but to record it and share it with everyone.
Last Wednesday was just a regular day, around midnight I decided to hop into bed and get some sleep. I’m laying there for awhile, and out of nowhere I feel this sharp bite on my foot. So I think to myself, “Did I just imagine something biting me…?” and then it starts to hurt REAL bad, so I get up to turn on the lights and check out WTF could be under my sheets. Alas, I found nothing. I hop back into bed with a throbbing foot and try to forget about it, a few painful minutes later, I FEEL ANOTHER BITE. I’m thinking bed bugs, snake, bird, who knows. I rush out of bed to turn the lights on because I need to know what is terrorizing my feet, and of course I find a bee. People, there was BEE inside my bed sheets, where I was sleeping. Where I normally sleep naked. NAKED. Can we just think about how much more painful this story would be if I told you I had a bee sting on another body part… I quickly kill the bee (duh) and try to soothe my foot with some cold water. I fall asleep pretty quickly after this, realizing that there is no possible way there could be another bee under my sheets, because that happens to no one. I wake up the next morning to find my foot a bit swollen and red because I had been itching the son of a bitch during my sleep, so I iced it before I had to go into work. While resting my ugly foot, my roommate was googling how to get a bee stinger out, a site had recommended that you put duct tape over the area and rip it off. So we did. No stinger came out, but as soon as she put the duct tape on the itching went away and the pressure felt relieving. Therefore, I decided to wrap my foot in duct tape for when I was at work so I wouldn’t itch it. Looking back now it doesn’t seem like the smartest decision, but I think the bee venom was entering my brain at this point. Delusion. Here’s the thing, at work I had to wear sandals because my foot wouldn’t really fit into regular shoes..so the duct tape was very visible and my boss asked me if I “was too broke to afford proper bandaids”. No, I’m not, hater. Eight hours go by and its hurting to walk, but I made it successfully through my shift. Only after did I realize that maybe, just maybe, I had left the tape on for a bit too long and had been restriction circulation. I finally rip the tape off, to reveal an ogre sized foot. Let me reiterate, my foot belonged to Shrek at this point. Large and in charge. If you dropped a pin on it, the explosion would have caused an earthquake. (FYI I was born with ugly feet to begin with, so it was a surprise to see how much worse it could get). Needless to say, my newly adopted club foot and I had a few awkward days together, but a week later the swelling has finally gone back down and all I’m left with is sleepless nights thinking about what other creatures lurk in my bed sheets. Sleep is overrated anyway, right?

Tears and Fears of Near Unemployment

Most of us by now can all understand the depressing roller coaster that is unemployment, and because I decided to document my broke-ass journey, your all aware of mine. For the past two and a half months I’ve been working at a clothing store that I’ve really come to enjoy, and would be quite upset if I had to leave. Naturally, yesterday at work, this almost became my reality. After a long day at work my boss (who hasn’t spoken to me all day) approaches me with a serious face and tells me we need to talk in the back room. Immediately, my face goes red at the prospect of getting in trouble and I get very nervous (because I have the emotional capacity of a toddler). As we enter the back room, he shuts the door and turns to me with the most serious face I’ve ever seen and says “I just want to say thanks for all your hard work, I appreciate it, but you can go now, thanks”. Let me tell you something about myself, I’m a crier. I’m a blubbering baby who one time had puffy eyes for the four following days after watching The Notebook. I cry during Tim Horton’s commercials. I cry when I run out of almond milk. Now that you’re starting to understand…after my boss is done talking, my eyes begin to fill up with tears and he looks at me very confused. “Whats wrong with you?! I only wanted to ask you if I could extend your shift later”, I begin to cry, because “I THOUGHT I WAS GETTING FIRED!” At this point, he is extremely bewildered with my reaction and is actually laughing at how pathetic I am crying in the back room, to clearly what is not me being fired. At this point, I’m as red as a god damn sunburn and my eyes are leaking tears of straight embarrassment and shame, as I know how he will tell every single employee about my overreaction. I feel like the universe is testing me and I’m constantly failing. So there you have it, my near run in with unemployment is now over and done with and for the next few weeks until I do something even more stupid and embarrassing (which is only a matter of time, we all know) I will be teased about being the basket-case girl who can’t make it through a conversation with her boss. I still have a job though…so YOLO?

Don’t Pay the Extras

To be perfectly honest, I don’t do much with my free time. Basically, my time when I’m not working is spent watching netflix or drinking cheap alcohol and pretend I’m saving money that way. Recently, I had a night off and was asked by my agency to be an extra in a music video. Now if your familiar with Rapunzel’s Reality, you’ll know this is something I have previous experience with…remember my cameo? Well, this time it was for free! Its sad…but realistically its also called ‘getting your face out there’, so I went. It was for a local Toronto band on their way up (fingers crossed), so once the video is released I’ll post it here incase any of you are familiar with the Toronto music scene. So I show up on a Wednesday night at this bar where they’re having the shoot, as I walk in I recognize a few people from my agency, but because I don’t know them well I sit at a table of random people…networking right? As I’m sitting I become acquainted with a few characters.
1) a tall thin boy who laughs like Steve Urkel…so that was quite enough of that
2) an older man, lets say mid forties, who is a ‘freelance worker’, he finds most of his work “off of Kijiji and Craig’s List”
3) a small asian boy with one of those hydrating backpacks, every so often he would stick his head under the table and take a swig from the straw connected to his backpack…he said it was water but lets get real people.

After a few painful hours of mingling with Toronto’s best, it was time for us to shine. The large group of us who had no problem working for free on a Wednesday, were used as the crowd at a concert. As this band performed we ‘rocked out’ in the crowd. The space was extremely small and crowded, and extremely HOT. (Let me just remind you of my complete lack of swag in the boy area, still single and boy-challenged) All the band members looked like models, ok? So there I am, pretending to jam out in the crowd to a song I’ve never heard, and am realizing the hotness of these musicians. But like I said earlier, it was HOT in there, so please tell me how I am suppose to grab the attention of these beautiful men if I’m sweating like a Sumo wrestler in July….its not happening. As I stand there drenched in my own sweat and depression….I realize that they are the ones missing out because they’re not noticing the drowned rat in the audience…you snooze you lose boys, see you never! I left as soon as we were finished and was never so happy to get home and have a shower in my life…it was all for a good cause though right? They better get famous. I better be in the video.

The 28 Realizations of an Independent Twenty-Something

1) coupons are useful
2) if you pay for electricity, sometimes you’d rather stick to your furniture than turn on your air conditioner
3) cheese is awfully expensive
4) eating sushi every night for a week for dinner, will make you tired of sushi
5) mac and cheese although homemade, isn’t as nutritious as you want it to be
6) cable is overrated
7) that cheap beer you used to refer to as “monkey piss”, is now your go-to drink
8) you decide to walk places, because walking is free
9) you openly welcome visits from relatives knowing it will some how involve a free meal and/or possibly groceries
10) your parents are your first call…for just about any situation
11) although they say they miss you, their SUPER glad you don’t live at home anymore
12) you have to learn to become a cheap drunk
13) you start dressing like a hobo, not due to stylistic reasons, but you literally cannot afford to shop anymore, thrift shops are no longer an option, they’re the only one
14) you often think about how pathetic your life is
15) you notice that retail is NOT what you want to do for the rest of your life
16) you start telling people ‘stay in school’
17) “real life is the worst” becomes one of your go-to sayings
18) your grandparents start slipping you money way more often then they used too (not a complaint)
19) you would die happy for one last home cooked meal
20) when one of your shifts get cut early from work your no longer excited, your actually annoyed because there goes some of your rent money
21) WHY IS RENT SO EXPENSIVE
22) trying to save your laundry for only weekend hours is becoming a pain..and seriously impacting your wardrobe
23) you start looking up where the local public pools are (ew)
24) the word ‘free’ has a whole new meaning
25) you’ve signed up for a points card at your local grocery store
26) your known as a local at your closest liquor store
27) you finally appreciate your family and enjoy the small amount of time you spend together
28) you visit Starbucks for their air conditioning.

Basically, you’ve become the lowest of the low, every day is a struggle when you wake up thinking about your bank account. But, you’re living. Your attempt at independence is commendable by all the people you know stuck at home, you have your own address for your credit card bill to arrive at! Good for us, we may be broke, living pay check to pay check, and arguing with the pizza delivery man for his 30 minutes or free guarantee when he shows up after 31 minutes, but you’ve got your independence…right?

Don’t Feed The Models

By now you’re all extremely familiar with my struggles of employment, but in the last few week I have finally accepted two part time jobs and am now living a mature, post-grad, young adult life….just kidding my life is about paying rent, buying alcohol and  groceries (in order of priority). Even though I’m now employed, I’m still constantly looking for new opportunities to get my face out there, which is where my agency comes in. Now I’m not sure how to describe exactly what is wrong with my agency…..except that they send me castings that I’m not exactly ‘qualified’ for. (PS, when I signed with my agency, they give you a sheet where you check off your ‘talents’ such as basketball, dance, speaking different languages)

Casting 1: Certified Yoga Instructor for a commercial: I can Namaste with the best of them but I’m pretty sure checking off that I can do yoga and that I am a certified teacher are two different areas of expertise, also I cannot pronounce half of the names of the moves that we do in class. Also not sure if I’d be ready to suit up in some spandex for TV….nobody needs to see that.

Casting 2: Lead actress in music video, must be agile in the water. Upon reading this casting I thought, Hey, I can pretend to swim for a day if I’m getting 300$ out of it, until I reached the fine print “must be professional swimmer”. That, I cannot fake, I’ve forgotten how to swim since the age of 15. Wave pools are my nemesis, the deep end is hell, and I’d rather be embraced by a life jacket than any man I’ve ever met.

Casting 3: Looking for a girl who has a boyfriend, ***must be in real relationship***, to film a pilot TV series. So, not only do my friends and family mock my perpetual singleness, but now I can’t even apply for a casting WITHOUT HAVING A BALL AND CHAIN?? What is this world coming too…The pay rate was not provided, otherwise I might have grabbed a homeless man off the street, cleaned him up and sold him as my boyfriend because that’s as close as I can get to a real one right about now.

 

Just for the record, I don’t actually consider myself a model lets be serious, I’ve had one paid gig and it wasn’t anything to boast about, but here is the link the music video I was in if your interested in watching!

Parachutes by Otto Knows

( I come in at 2:26….a nice little close up)

 

Nip Slip

Yesterday was my big day, university graduation. The day you’ve been waiting for since the first day of your undergrad. The day was as brutal as can be expected, long, boring and filled with pictures. However, I did leave the day with a wonderful wardrobe malfunction which could almost be considered a highlight from the three hour ceremony. Last week, with the help of my roommates I chose an off white coloured dress which I loved, but they insisted that it was somewhat see through. The straps of the dress were too dainty to wear a bra under so I bought the dress with the plan of buying nipple covers, which I did. The night before the ceremony I tried everything on and it looked fabulous, so I was happy with my wardrobe choice and adjustments. The next day upon arriving at the university I was given my graduation robe and hat. Now wearing a robe in the middle of June would make anyone abnormally warm, but I have an overheating problem. For example, I’m one of those people who sweats when I eat sweet chili heat Doritos ok? Therefore, I’d like to say I was warmer than most graduates that day. So I do my waiting and sweating in this god awful robe that may as well be lined with fleece by this point. I was sweltering. Let’s also remember that I’m wearing stick on nipple covers for the first time, so I kept periodically checking if they were still in place, and they were. The time comes for me to walk across the stage and have my name called and receive my diploma, and everything goes smoothly. I sit back down in my seat, and I can only describe that I heard and felt a ‘plop’. My nipple cover has now plopped onto my thigh. In the middle of the ceremony. Where I’m sitting facing the entire audience. If I don’t retrieve it now it will fall out the next time I stand up for the closing procession. So I absolutely went up my robe to retrieve this nipple thigh cover and put it in my purse. Phew. Wait….let’s check the other one. Yeah, it’s half way down my boob. So I also take that one off and stick it in my purse. I kept my robe on for the rest of the pictures that day and on my drive home realized hey maybe I should put those covers back on…I then find out that only one nipple cover is in my purse. Basically, the other is floating around the graduation auditorium or on campus so I apologize ahead of time to whoever has the pleasure of finding that. But I think I’m going to hide the other one in my brothers room. He doesn’t even read my blogs so I’m safe.

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White Girl Completes Cleanse

If your an avid Rapunzel follower, you’ll remember my post about a month ago, about trying out a new cleanse. I’m letting you know, THAT I COMPLETED IT. Hallelujah Dear Jesus, I made it out alive. To recap, my cleanse consisted of no dairy, no gluten, and two protein shakes a day instead of breakfast and lunch. Over these past 30 days I have had a few thoughts running through my head:

  • you need 7 jobs to pay for any gluten free goods (eg; bread, crackers, cookies, pasta)
  • you DO get tired of having an omelette for dinner after four consecutive days
  • thats weird..I don’t look pregnant at the end of the day anymore
  • my one and only soulmate, poutine, I think has broken up with me due to my consistent absence
  • Beer…..I still love you, I just want to see other people
  • my skin no longer looks like the surface of the moon
  • salads are OVERRATED, mmm grass and vinegar
  • I would do something extremely illegal for a chicken nugget right about now
  • I could live off of dairy & gluten free mac and cheese
  • I haven’t slept this good in forever
  • I also couldn’t tell you the last time I took a nap

Now you’re probably all wondering…..did I celebrate? Yes, the first day after my cleanse, I woke up, had my protein shake, worked out, and then ordered a pizza and ate in on my roof, PLOT TWIST IT WAS GLUTEN FREE. For the most part, I’m going to continue being gluten and dairy free which means I’ll also be broke….donations will be accepted at anytime.

12 Year Old Trouble

Last weekend I was feeling pretty broke, what I mean to say, is I visited home for the weekend. This home is about an hour away from Toronto, now normally I take the bus, but I was offered a ride this particular weekend. I don’t care if that ride is a 45 year old caucasian male with a mustache, tinted car windows and drives a vehicle that could fit a few dozen kids in the back, you accept that free ride. Just kidding, I had relatives passing through the city. One of these relatives, happened to be my 12 year old spitfire of a cousin. This kid is always on the go, loves to chat and eats up being the center of attention. This guy is also in the stage of life where he has no filter, therefore, it made for some good blog material. In the hour car ride alone, I was asked the following questions, in no particular order;

Have you gotten drunk yet?

Can I see your tattoo?

Do you have any other tattoos?

Are you the only single one in your family?  (Come ON man)

Can I download an app on your phone so I can watch TV?

Can I look at your instagram?

Can I like this selfie for you?

Can I have your email/iMessage?

Why don’t you have a boyfriend ?

And for the finale, Are you becoming a lesbian?

 

If your wondering if I answered all of these adoring and non invasive questions with patience and zero sarcasm, you’re absolutely correct. After all, this boy did forget my name on multiple occasions because I only see him twice a year, I’ve got to make a lasting impression on the young ones. For future reference, don’t give your 12 year old cousin your number because I guarantee you will wake up to 7 text messages saying Hi and Yolo.

Sunburnt Newbie

I want to apologize to my valued followers, I have been…misleading. A few weeks ago I accepted a job offer at a clothing store, but lets be clear I only didn’t tell you because its part time, I STILL FEEL UNEMPLOYED, IF ITS ANY CONSOLATION. Yesterday I had my second shift at the store and it actually went pretty good. I was scheduled to work right when the store opened, like a keener I showed up twenty minutes early and because the store wasn’t open yet I had to be let it. Here lies my first problem, Im standing at the front doors knocking waiting to be let in. Not one, not two, but three employees make eye contact with me and don’t let me in, GUYS IM NEW OK. It was one of those eye contacts where they look at me for a split second and think “shit I wish I never looked at her”, I’m standing behind a glass door….I know you can see me. The fourth girl looked at me for a good thirty seconds before she decided to let me in. If that wasn’t enough, I was late for the opening meeting because I was sitting in the break room doing nothing, I wasn’t aware we had those meetings, BECAUSE IM NEW OK. Next in this series of events, lets point out to the new girl that she has a sun burn, incase she already doesn’t know…if its a sunburn on my face, I’m probably aware. Therefore I heard the following:

“Were you on the patio like, all weekend?”

“Hey Pinky”

“Uhh why is your face all red?”

Could I respond with any witty comment yet, no, BECAUSE IM NEW and no one gets my sense of humour yet. For the record, I get embarrassed easily and my face turns red in a millisecond, its practically a talent, therefore my face managed to go even more red every time someone decided to comment. 

So there…I’m half-employed, can I get a medal or something?