Most of us by now can all understand the depressing roller coaster that is unemployment, and because I decided to document my broke-ass journey, your all aware of mine. For the past two and a half months I’ve been working at a clothing store that I’ve really come to enjoy, and would be quite upset if I had to leave. Naturally, yesterday at work, this almost became my reality. After a long day at work my boss (who hasn’t spoken to me all day) approaches me with a serious face and tells me we need to talk in the back room. Immediately, my face goes red at the prospect of getting in trouble and I get very nervous (because I have the emotional capacity of a toddler). As we enter the back room, he shuts the door and turns to me with the most serious face I’ve ever seen and says “I just want to say thanks for all your hard work, I appreciate it, but you can go now, thanks”. Let me tell you something about myself, I’m a crier. I’m a blubbering baby who one time had puffy eyes for the four following days after watching The Notebook. I cry during Tim Horton’s commercials. I cry when I run out of almond milk. Now that you’re starting to understand…after my boss is done talking, my eyes begin to fill up with tears and he looks at me very confused. “Whats wrong with you?! I only wanted to ask you if I could extend your shift later”, I begin to cry, because “I THOUGHT I WAS GETTING FIRED!” At this point, he is extremely bewildered with my reaction and is actually laughing at how pathetic I am crying in the back room, to clearly what is not me being fired. At this point, I’m as red as a god damn sunburn and my eyes are leaking tears of straight embarrassment and shame, as I know how he will tell every single employee about my overreaction. I feel like the universe is testing me and I’m constantly failing. So there you have it, my near run in with unemployment is now over and done with and for the next few weeks until I do something even more stupid and embarrassing (which is only a matter of time, we all know) I will be teased about being the basket-case girl who can’t make it through a conversation with her boss. I still have a job though…so YOLO?
To be perfectly honest, I don’t do much with my free time. Basically, my time when I’m not working is spent watching netflix or drinking cheap alcohol and pretend I’m saving money that way. Recently, I had a night off and was asked by my agency to be an extra in a music video. Now if your familiar with Rapunzel’s Reality, you’ll know this is something I have previous experience with…remember my cameo? Well, this time it was for free! Its sad…but realistically its also called ‘getting your face out there’, so I went. It was for a local Toronto band on their way up (fingers crossed), so once the video is released I’ll post it here incase any of you are familiar with the Toronto music scene. So I show up on a Wednesday night at this bar where they’re having the shoot, as I walk in I recognize a few people from my agency, but because I don’t know them well I sit at a table of random people…networking right? As I’m sitting I become acquainted with a few characters.
1) a tall thin boy who laughs like Steve Urkel…so that was quite enough of that
2) an older man, lets say mid forties, who is a ‘freelance worker’, he finds most of his work “off of Kijiji and Craig’s List”
3) a small asian boy with one of those hydrating backpacks, every so often he would stick his head under the table and take a swig from the straw connected to his backpack…he said it was water but lets get real people.
After a few painful hours of mingling with Toronto’s best, it was time for us to shine. The large group of us who had no problem working for free on a Wednesday, were used as the crowd at a concert. As this band performed we ‘rocked out’ in the crowd. The space was extremely small and crowded, and extremely HOT. (Let me just remind you of my complete lack of swag in the boy area, still single and boy-challenged) All the band members looked like models, ok? So there I am, pretending to jam out in the crowd to a song I’ve never heard, and am realizing the hotness of these musicians. But like I said earlier, it was HOT in there, so please tell me how I am suppose to grab the attention of these beautiful men if I’m sweating like a Sumo wrestler in July….its not happening. As I stand there drenched in my own sweat and depression….I realize that they are the ones missing out because they’re not noticing the drowned rat in the audience…you snooze you lose boys, see you never! I left as soon as we were finished and was never so happy to get home and have a shower in my life…it was all for a good cause though right? They better get famous. I better be in the video.
1) coupons are useful
2) if you pay for electricity, sometimes you’d rather stick to your furniture than turn on your air conditioner
3) cheese is awfully expensive
4) eating sushi every night for a week for dinner, will make you tired of sushi
5) mac and cheese although homemade, isn’t as nutritious as you want it to be
6) cable is overrated
7) that cheap beer you used to refer to as “monkey piss”, is now your go-to drink
8) you decide to walk places, because walking is free
9) you openly welcome visits from relatives knowing it will some how involve a free meal and/or possibly groceries
10) your parents are your first call…for just about any situation
11) although they say they miss you, their SUPER glad you don’t live at home anymore
12) you have to learn to become a cheap drunk
13) you start dressing like a hobo, not due to stylistic reasons, but you literally cannot afford to shop anymore, thrift shops are no longer an option, they’re the only one
14) you often think about how pathetic your life is
15) you notice that retail is NOT what you want to do for the rest of your life
16) you start telling people ‘stay in school’
17) “real life is the worst” becomes one of your go-to sayings
18) your grandparents start slipping you money way more often then they used too (not a complaint)
19) you would die happy for one last home cooked meal
20) when one of your shifts get cut early from work your no longer excited, your actually annoyed because there goes some of your rent money
21) WHY IS RENT SO EXPENSIVE
22) trying to save your laundry for only weekend hours is becoming a pain..and seriously impacting your wardrobe
23) you start looking up where the local public pools are (ew)
24) the word ‘free’ has a whole new meaning
25) you’ve signed up for a points card at your local grocery store
26) your known as a local at your closest liquor store
27) you finally appreciate your family and enjoy the small amount of time you spend together
28) you visit Starbucks for their air conditioning.
Basically, you’ve become the lowest of the low, every day is a struggle when you wake up thinking about your bank account. But, you’re living. Your attempt at independence is commendable by all the people you know stuck at home, you have your own address for your credit card bill to arrive at! Good for us, we may be broke, living pay check to pay check, and arguing with the pizza delivery man for his 30 minutes or free guarantee when he shows up after 31 minutes, but you’ve got your independence…right?