Don’t Feed The Models

By now you’re all extremely familiar with my struggles of employment, but in the last few week I have finally accepted two part time jobs and am now living a mature, post-grad, young adult life….just kidding my life is about paying rent, buying alcohol and  groceries (in order of priority). Even though I’m now employed, I’m still constantly looking for new opportunities to get my face out there, which is where my agency comes in. Now I’m not sure how to describe exactly what is wrong with my agency…..except that they send me castings that I’m not exactly ‘qualified’ for. (PS, when I signed with my agency, they give you a sheet where you check off your ‘talents’ such as basketball, dance, speaking different languages)

Casting 1: Certified Yoga Instructor for a commercial: I can Namaste with the best of them but I’m pretty sure checking off that I can do yoga and that I am a certified teacher are two different areas of expertise, also I cannot pronounce half of the names of the moves that we do in class. Also not sure if I’d be ready to suit up in some spandex for TV….nobody needs to see that.

Casting 2: Lead actress in music video, must be agile in the water. Upon reading this casting I thought, Hey, I can pretend to swim for a day if I’m getting 300$ out of it, until I reached the fine print “must be professional swimmer”. That, I cannot fake, I’ve forgotten how to swim since the age of 15. Wave pools are my nemesis, the deep end is hell, and I’d rather be embraced by a life jacket than any man I’ve ever met.

Casting 3: Looking for a girl who has a boyfriend, ***must be in real relationship***, to film a pilot TV series. So, not only do my friends and family mock my perpetual singleness, but now I can’t even apply for a casting WITHOUT HAVING A BALL AND CHAIN?? What is this world coming too…The pay rate was not provided, otherwise I might have grabbed a homeless man off the street, cleaned him up and sold him as my boyfriend because that’s as close as I can get to a real one right about now.

 

Just for the record, I don’t actually consider myself a model lets be serious, I’ve had one paid gig and it wasn’t anything to boast about, but here is the link the music video I was in if your interested in watching!

Parachutes by Otto Knows

( I come in at 2:26….a nice little close up)

 

Nip Slip

Yesterday was my big day, university graduation. The day you’ve been waiting for since the first day of your undergrad. The day was as brutal as can be expected, long, boring and filled with pictures. However, I did leave the day with a wonderful wardrobe malfunction which could almost be considered a highlight from the three hour ceremony. Last week, with the help of my roommates I chose an off white coloured dress which I loved, but they insisted that it was somewhat see through. The straps of the dress were too dainty to wear a bra under so I bought the dress with the plan of buying nipple covers, which I did. The night before the ceremony I tried everything on and it looked fabulous, so I was happy with my wardrobe choice and adjustments. The next day upon arriving at the university I was given my graduation robe and hat. Now wearing a robe in the middle of June would make anyone abnormally warm, but I have an overheating problem. For example, I’m one of those people who sweats when I eat sweet chili heat Doritos ok? Therefore, I’d like to say I was warmer than most graduates that day. So I do my waiting and sweating in this god awful robe that may as well be lined with fleece by this point. I was sweltering. Let’s also remember that I’m wearing stick on nipple covers for the first time, so I kept periodically checking if they were still in place, and they were. The time comes for me to walk across the stage and have my name called and receive my diploma, and everything goes smoothly. I sit back down in my seat, and I can only describe that I heard and felt a ‘plop’. My nipple cover has now plopped onto my thigh. In the middle of the ceremony. Where I’m sitting facing the entire audience. If I don’t retrieve it now it will fall out the next time I stand up for the closing procession. So I absolutely went up my robe to retrieve this nipple thigh cover and put it in my purse. Phew. Wait….let’s check the other one. Yeah, it’s half way down my boob. So I also take that one off and stick it in my purse. I kept my robe on for the rest of the pictures that day and on my drive home realized hey maybe I should put those covers back on…I then find out that only one nipple cover is in my purse. Basically, the other is floating around the graduation auditorium or on campus so I apologize ahead of time to whoever has the pleasure of finding that. But I think I’m going to hide the other one in my brothers room. He doesn’t even read my blogs so I’m safe.

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