Furry Enemies

As you all know, I am severely unemployed. Therefore, I’m trying out a few different avenues of finding employment. This past weekend I went for an audition for a online dating service commercial. I know, I know, it is embarrassing, but apparently real people do these commercials. So, I spent a few days memorizing my lines and arrived at the casting on Saturday morning with a bit of nerves because I’ve never done anything like this before. As soon as I sit down in the waiting room, a small animal, a dog, runs over to me and jumps up on the seat beside me. If you’ve never met me, then you couldn’t possibly understand the significance of an animal approaching me. I am, anti-animal. Now, I don’t “hate” them, I’m simply petrified. No, nothing traumatizing happened to me as a child, I never had a pet so I didn’t grow up around animals. Every time I went to a birthday party as a child, my parents had to call ahead and ask them to put their pets away because their child is literally distressed at the first sight of any living creature. Now that your aware of my irrational fear of any living being that is not a human, I can continue. So, this dog is staring at me and I put my hand out to pet it like a normal person would, and it licks me. Im sweating. I’ve never been licked by an animal, this is horrible, why do people allow this on a regular basis?! THEN, the dog crawls onto my lap and lays down for the duration of my stay. Clearly, I’ve never had an animal on my lap before, so the whole time I’m thinking “it’s going to pee on me”, “Im going into the audition with animal pee on my pants”. No, it didn’t pee. I’m just a ridiculous human. Eventually, I had to PICK UP THE DOG (heart attack) and put it down so I could do my audition. Which went ok, but how confident can you be when using lines you would never say in your entire life, example “I want a real man”. As far as I know, I didn’t get the part in the commercial, so I’m still unemployed BUT I made a new furry friend right? Ew.

PS the dog was wearing this diaper/overall contraption, I had to take a picture.

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